rakshi

This is just adorable.

2009-05-08T22:00:58Z

Evidently John King Tarpinian the very dear man who has allowed me to post his 'Leviathan 99' images on SANET is a personal friend of Ray Bradbury's and he seemed quite taken with Sean.

He said this to me in his email: I do wish I had a photo for you of Sean’s expression when he learned that Ray was the founder of what became the Writer’s Guild.

I can just imagine.... LOL!

Sean listening to Ray Bradbury speak.

More shots of Sean at

2009-05-08T19:57:56Z

The wonderful John King Tarpinian has gracious shared his marvelous photos from the Leviathan 99 event with SANET. We are very grateful!

The gallery for these photos is here. And John has promised to send me even more photos that he took of Sean at that event! Wheeeee!!!

His report is here.

'

Isn't this adorable of Sean with Rad Bradbury!

Sean doing his reading with Captain Kirk!!!

Stunning shots of Elijah at the 18530 SFIFF Midnight Awards from the 25th....

2009-04-29T09:46:43Z

The perfect gift to celebrate Wood-day, these images of Elijah are some of the most amazing you'll ever see. The photographer seemed determined to capture the beauty of his face from every possible angle. We thank, as always, our beloved karin_woywod for finding and sharing. These were posted first at the elijah_finds community. If you haven't visited there... please do.

Gallery his here....

Couple new shots...

2009-04-28T09:41:52Z

..... added to the gallery for the Tribeca Film Festival! He looked so cute that night!!

Gallery here....

AND... I guess he was out celebrating that night!!

From the Pop Tarts Scene & Herd

Hilary Duff, Chevy Chase and Sean Astin celebrating their comedy film Stay Cool at NYC hotspot Tenjune on Thursday night.

Sean at the Tribeca Film Festival - 'Stay Cool' premiere

2009-04-27T09:43:45Z

A few adorable shots of Sean at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of 'Stay Cool'!!

Gallery is here....

Happy Wood-day... and Happy Birthday, Karin!!!

2009-04-08T09:52:21Z

It's Wood-day, my dears... and it's karin_woywod's birthday!! And in honor of these two events I bring to you the beauty that is Elijah Wood in one of the most beautifully photographed movies he has EVER been in. I don't know who did the lighting for this film... but they deserved an Oscar. I'm talking about 'The Bumblebee Flies Anyway'... one of my very favorite Elijah movies.. in spite of the crappy screen kiss.

I will have other treats for you later today.

S & E - Waymeet 'My Baby Wrote Me A Letter' Challenge - 'Words'

2009-03-08T18:53:32Z

Author: rakshi
Title: Words
Challenge: 'My Baby Just Wrote Me a Letter' from waymeet
Rating: PG - for language
Pairing/Characters: Sean and Elijah
Warnings: None
Summary: Things aren’t going well for the boys. Can they solve their problems in e-mail?

Author's Notes: For those who didn't see it at waymeet, my very first offering. I enjoyed this challenge very much. I deepest thanks and love to my dearest abandonada whose suggestions and editing skills made this a much better story.

Disclaimer:This story is a work of satirical fantasy about public figures.It is completely fictional. I make no assertions about the actual private life or the sexual orientation of any person mentioned in this work.

- Words -

Date: Fri, 02 January 2009 19:49:49
To: Sean seana@seanastin.com
From: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
Subject: ?
Message:
?

Date: Sat, 03 January 2009 07:00:44
To: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
From: Sean seana@seanastin.com
Subject: What?
Message:
Was that a message? Are you ok? What the hell, Elijah.

Date: Thu, 08 January 2009 02:15:11
To: Sean seana@seanastin.com
From: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
Subject: (no subject)
Message:
It’s all the message you deserve, fucker! Just checking if you were still alive. What the hell yourself, Sean.

Date: Mon, 12 January 2009 11:24:08
To: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
From: Sean seana@seanastin.com
Subject: Why…
Message:
….are you up so late? Where are you? And I’m sorry I haven’t seen much of you, Elijah. Truly I am. It’s been hard lately. You’ve been pretty busy yourself… and things have been pretty bad at home. Actually not that great outside of home come to think of it. I didn’t want to see you or write to you just to whine and whimper.

Date: Mon, 12 January 2009 18:32:16
To: Sean seana@seanastin.com
From: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
Subject: I’m always up late.
Message:
Sorry you haven’t SEEN much of me?

Try ‘Sorry I’ve ignored your every e-mail and phone call for the past month’! Or even ‘Sorry I’ve responded to you by saying something monumentally stupid like ‘I thought you were out of the country.’ when you knew damned well I wasn’t.

>> I didn’t want to write to you just to whine and whimper.

Why should now be any different? I’m used to hearing you whine and whimper… and what’s more you know it. Knock it off, Sean. This is just such bullshit. You’re avoiding me. Jesus, the least you could do is be honest about it.

>> Where are you?

Like you care.

Date: Tues, 13 January 2009 14:18:15
To: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
From: Sean seana@seanastin.com
Subject:
Message:
>> Like you care.

Jesus, Elijah! You KNOW I care. You know how much I care. What do you want me to do? Torture myself by hanging out with you and your girlfriend? Watch the two of you snuggling while my heart breaks in two because I want to be the one holding you? I am NOT avoiding you! I’m avoiding the pain that I feel when I’m around you.

I’m looking over my shoulder as I write this e-mail to be sure Chris hasn’t tiptoed into the room. It’s not like she doesn’t suspect how we feel about each other.

Or… at least how we FELT.

:(

Text message from Elijah: Don’t shout.

Text message from Elijah: FELT?

Text message from Sean: I still feel the same, Elijah. But I can only speak for me. PS: You’re shouting.

Text message from Elijah: You have one fucking interesting way of showing it…. fucker.

Text message from Sean: Right now I’m actually more of a NON fucker.

Text message from Elijah: Serves you right.

Date: Fri, 16 January 2009 21:45:12
To: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
From: Sean seana@seanastin.com
Subject: Look…
Message:
… here’s the deal. Chris and I are barely speaking. The atmosphere around here right now is, to say the least, poisonous. She’s been this way for months, Elijah, and the root cause of it is her suspicions about you and I. That’s the reason I’ve been avoiding you.. and yes. I’ll admit it. I’ve been avoiding you.

You know I don’t want to. But that’s the main reason why I HAVE to.

Text message from Elijah: I’ll e-mail you later.

Date: Sat, 17 January 2009 00:14:08
To: Sean seana@seanastin.com
From: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
Subject: Sorry.
Message:
Couldn’t write sooner. Was swamped. And I needed to think about what you said.

>> I’ll admit it. I’ve been avoiding you.

Thank you for at least being honest, Sean. I don’t know if you remember, but when we were in NZ we made a promise to always be honest with each other no matter what. The fact that you were avoiding me didn’t hurt me nearly as much as hearing you deny it and hand me a bunch of phony fucking crap insinuating I was imagining things when I knew damned well I wasn’t.

>>You know I don’t want to. But that’s the main reason why I HAVE to.

That makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever. Now you’re just rationalizing. It’s convenient to ignore me. Nothing more. Convenient to whitewash over the fact that you KNOW you’re avoidance hurts me. To pretend my pain doesn’t exist. To refuse to listen to the voice inside you that is TELLING you the truth about how I feel and how wrong it is for you to treat me this way.

No one is asking you to betray your wife. Are you suggesting you can’t be my friend without fucking me? Is that all it was for you, Sean? Fucking? Are you telling me that it’s wrong to betray her but OK to betray ME??

You’re still rationalizing. Acting like you can’t help how you treat me or that I’m over-reacting to being totally blown off.

This whole thing sucks.

And… so do you.

Fuck off, Sean.

Text message from Sean: Please don’t be angry with me. PLEASE!

Text message from Sean: Elijah, I’m sorry. Please.

A week passes in absolute silence. Then...

Text message from Sean: Elijah?

Text message from Elijah: What?

Text message from Sean: I love you.

Text message from Elijah: Sure you do.

Text message from Sean: Can I call you?

Text message from Elijah: No. I’m busy. And I’m not alone.

Text message from Sean: ok.

Three days later.

Text message from Sean: :(

Two hours later.

Text message from Sean: :(

Text message from Elijah: Knock it the fuck off.

Text message from Sean: No. :(

Date: Wed, 28 January 2009 17:22:16
To: Sean seana@seanastin.com
From: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
Subject: Jesus!
Message:
What the fuck is wrong with you? First you ignore me while pretending you’re not ignoring me. Then when I tell you to go ahead and ignore me because I no longer give a fuck… you won’t stop sending me your sad fucking faces in TMs!

What the fuck do you want, Sean?

Date: Thurs, 29 January 2009 08:12:09
To: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
From: Sean seana@seanastin.com
Subject: What the fuck do I want?
Message:

I want you.

I’ve always wanted you. You know that. You knew it the day we met. You have a brilliant mind and you’re the most intuitive person I’ve ever known. You know my mind.. you always have. And you know my heart. You know it better than anyone.

I want YOU.

Please, don’t be mad at me. Not that I think you really ARE mad at me. I think you’re hurt and I don’t blame you. I just don’t know what to do, Elijah. I don’t know what to DO!!

Was it just a ‘fuck’?? Are you serious? How can you ask me that? Jesus fucking Christ, Elijah, you were THERE! You know what it was to me. Did I ACT like it was just a ‘fuck’?

Please say you’ll forgive me. I do love you. I love you more than anything or anyone.

That’s what I want.

I need to send this now before I start to edit and revise it because it sounds too wimpy and needy and sappy and…. has terrible grammar.

Text message from Elijah: It WAS pretty sappy.

Text message from Sean: My sap-o-meter doth overflow.

Text message from Elijah: Stop making me laugh, fucker.

Text message from Sean: Can we PLEASE talk on the phone?

Text message from Elijah: No phone. Your voice hath charms.

Text message from Sean: I promise not to be charming.

Text message from Elijah: Unavoidable.

Text message from Sean: That’s sweet! And almost not angry! I have hope.

Text message from Elijah: Getting on plane. Phone going off. Will write later.

Text message from Sean: Be safe. Write soon. Please.

Text message from Elijah: Will. To both.

Date: Sat, 31 January 2009 01:19:15
To: Sean seana@seanastin.com
From: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
Subject: I’m sorry too.
Message:
I shouldn’t have yelled at you. But I don’t like having to chase you down to find out what the hell is wrong. I don’t like not fucking knowing where I stand with you.

I understand that people’s feelings change. And if your feelings for me have changed, then fine. You say they haven’t. But right now, Sean, I’m not sure what to believe. It’s easy to SAY ‘I love you’. But then you walk away and ignore me for weeks on end. What would you have done if I hadn’t kept e-mailing you? Gone on ignoring me? For how long? That’s love? Not in my book.

I’m sorry about you and Chris. But I’m not taking responsibility for it. We talked about this, Sean. Many times. When we were in NZ you asked me to be your lover. I was reluctant because I know how you are and I didn’t want to fuck up what we had. But you told me again and again that you could handle it. That you wouldn’t be overwhelmed with guilt. That it wouldn’t affect our friendship. But it HAS affected our friendship. And bottom line? That DOES piss me off. That you’d let something as relatively immaterial as sex come between us. That you’d let the fact that we fell in love and became lovers ruin a rich and wonderful relationship. I would have walked away from the sex part, Sean. I can live without it. But you didn’t give me a choice. You didn’t even talk to me. You just took YOU away from me. And I’m not sure how easy that will be to forget or forgive.

I’m being as honest as I know how.

What do you want, Sean? And don’t say ‘you’. That’s not what I want to hear. And besides that it’s not true.

Elijah

Date: Sun, 01 February 2009 03:05:15
To: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
From: Sean seana@seanastin.com
Subject: It’s 3 in the morning.
Message:
I’m sorry I didn’t write sooner.

Elijah, your e-mails only nudged me in the direction I was moving in anyway. If you hadn’t sent them, I would have written to YOU. I’ve wanted to for a long time but, frankly, I’ve felt embarrassed to do it. I’m ashamed of how I’ve been acting. It was cowardly to ignore you that way. To ignore your phone calls and your e-mails.

There’s a security that surrounds my life with Chris and the girls that has been a cocoon of safety for me. Until I had them I don’t think I ever in my life felt truly safe. Ever. When she threatened to divorce me I panicked. It took me a long while to let go of the fear and understand my own heart. What I wanted.. what I needed.

But, Elijah, I know now. Nothing, NOTHING, means as much to me as you and I do. Nothing. I know I haven’t acted it. I know that. And I don’t blame you for doubting me. I know I’ve fucked up the trust between us. But I’m willing to earn it back if you’ll just give me a chance.

Do you remember the first time we made love? We were in the back of a truck, of all fucking places. But god, Elijah. The moment I touched you the truck disappeared and I was in the most exquisite paradise imaginable. I’d never felt anything like it. Ever. I’d wanted you for months. You knew that. But nothing had prepared me for what I felt that night. It wasn’t sex, Elijah. Please don’t call it that. I’ve had sex. This was so far beyond anything I’ve ever experienced with anyone else EVER that it took a very long time for me to fully understand it.

But it’s not sex, Elijah. It never has been. It is the most profound love I’ve ever felt. More than I thought I ever could feel. And it has never changed. Not from then ‘til this very moment.

I feel as though I’m at the most important cross-roads I’ve ever experienced. At a turning point in my life. I know you can’t help me. I know I have figure it out myself. I know I don’t even deserve your help at this point in our relationship.

But, Elijah, I’m asking you to please, PLEASE see me. Please just talk with me. You don’t have to make love with me, though I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t want that with all my soul. But just to have you close to me, just to hear your voice. If I could have that I wouldn’t ask for more.

Let me earn your trust again. I need you, Elijah. And I love you.

PS. I didn’t look over my shoulder once.

Date: Mon, 02 February 2009 11:22:44
To: Sean seana@seanastin.com
From: Elijah woode@simianrecords.com
Subject: Morning
Message:

>> PS. I didn’t look over my shoulder once.

Well there’s a break.

Sean, let me think about all this. Give me a few days. I didn’t know she’d asked for a divorce. I didn’t know it had gone that far. But right now I’ve got relationship responsibilities too that I don’t want to fuck up. Let me try to think this through.

I’ll write to you soon.

Text message from Sean: Have you decided yet?

Text message from Elijah: It’s only been an hour, jackass!

Text message from Sean: Felt like more.

Text message from Elijah: Stop. Please.

Text message from Sean: Ok.

Five days later.

Text message from Elijah: All right. I’m home. Come over.

Text message from Sean: Jesus! I’ll be right there!

Sean sat uneasily in his car listening to the tick of the cooling engine, wondering if Elijah had spotted him in the driveway. He clutched the steering wheel in white-knuckled fingers fighting desperately to shake off his anxiety.

“Jesus!” he finally spat out, disgusted with his own fear and reluctance. “This is insane.” He forced himself out of the car, walked to the door, and knocked. Elijah answered almost at once.

“I wondered how long you were going to sit out there,” Elijah said casually, ushering Sean into the living room.

“Sorry,” Sean muttered, aware that he was staring at the floor, unable to look up. He felt paralyzed. The thought of meeting Elijah’s eyes was unendurable. Finally he managed to stammer, “I was nervous about coming in.”

“Why? This is the meeting you’ve been begging me for.”

“I know,” Sean said. He drew in a deep breath, once again forced himself to take courage, and raised his eyes. Elijah was standing not two feet away. He was staring directly at Sean and the intensity of his gaze hit Sean with the impact of a blow. He swallowed hard. “Lij,” he began, then hesitated. “Elijah, I…” he stopped again.

“Well, that’s certainly an auspicious beginning,” Elijah said, grinning. “Sit down, Sean. This doesn’t have to be all that hard.”

Sean watched in silence as Elijah moved to the couch and lazily sat down, crossing an ankle over a knee, one arm stretching out against the couch back. Sean was captivated by the pose. The muscles of Elijah’s arm stood out in sharp relief against the couch. The long, lean body seemed to taunt him and lowering his gaze he drew in a deep, trembling breath.

“Sit down,” Elijah said, nodding toward the couch.

Sean nervously sat down at the other end of the couch then turned half sideways to stare at the young man seated so close to him. Now, somehow it was harder not to look at Elijah than it was to simply gaze, and Sean drank in the sight of him, feeling lost in reawakening emotion. “Elijah,” he breathed. “God. My god. Elijah.” Sean’s face broke into a radiant smile as he felt joy spring to life within him, sudden and immediate. Elijah’s nearness was overwhelming. Sean could see nothing else… feel nothing else. The room disappeared. Elijah’s presence dominated the space around them and Sean lowered his eyes again, struggling to draw in a breath.

“I’m sorry,” he finally choked out, lifting his face.

Elijah’s head was tilted and he looked at Sean thoughtfully through uplifted eyes and long, dark lashes. The force of his gaze touched the very center of Sean’s being and he slowly reached for Elijah, feeling almost drunk with the intensity of the love and longing that filled him.

“Now, now,” Elijah said, smilingly eyeing Sean’s outstretched hand. “None of that. We’re just supposed to talk.”

“Oh,” Sean said softly. “Oh, no. I wasn’t going to...” he lowered his hand. “I mean – I didn’t mean to…” he shook his head. “I know. I know you don’t want to make love. That wasn’t what I…” He sighed. “I just wanted to touch you.” He felt sudden tears burn his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “Elijah, if I lose you I just don’t know what I’ll do. This whole thing with us… not seeing you… turning away from you the way I did..” He took a deep breath. “It was a kind of torture. A kind of…” He shook his head as if struggling for the right way to frame his thoughts. “A kind of self-punishment.”

Elijah nodded. “Yeah,” he said softly. “That much was obvious.”

“I was afraid of where my love for you was leading me. But now the only thing that frightens me is the thought of losing you.”

Taking courage and feeling that he really had no choice, Sean leaned forward and drew his hand slowly down Elijah’s arm as it lay stretched across the couch back, finally capturing Elijah’s hand in his own. “I’m not asking you for anything,” he murmured. “Honest to God I’m not. Just to touch you for a second.” He watched Elijah’s eyes as he slowly drew that perfect hand to his lips and kissed it. Those eyes never wavered from his own and his hand lay, unresisting, in Sean’s.

“Can you forgive me?” Sean asked, struggling to speak through the ache in his throat. “Can you let me try to win your trust back again? Can you believe that you’re all I want and need?”

“If I didn’t think I could do that do you really think you’d be here?” Elijah asked him. “Did you think I brought you here just so I could dismiss you in person?”

Sean lifted Elijah’s hand to his lips again and as he did his tears fell onto it. His mind flashed to a passage from Lord of the Rings when Sam’s tears fell onto Frodo’s hand. “Sam did this once,” he whispered.

“What did he do?” Elijah asked.

“He…” Sean began, then shook his head. “Just… nothing… he just… he cried,” he stammered. “It’s nothing.”

Elijah's fingers brushed quickly against Sean’s cheek. "It's not nothing. None of this is nothing. It all matters, Sean." He took Sean’s hand in his and laced their fingers together. Neither spoke. But somehow now, after all the messages and all the e-mails and all the conversation, speech had become unnecessary. As they stared into each other's eyes they felt the current that had always run between them, rich and vibrant, spring to life again. They felt that current bind them, merge them, join them in a union that was as deathless as the stars.

"Can I stay?" Sean whispered finally.

And Elijah showed him that even the most important answers one could give in life didn't always require words.

Happy Birthday, Sean!!

2009-02-25T10:44:49Z

I don't claim to know him. But... I do know what I believe about him. I believe he is a good and generous soul. I believe he is kind and loving to family, friends, and fans. I believe he trys, always, to live up to a higher ideal in life. To be someone we can all look up to. And I believe that most of the time, he succeeds.

I thank you, Sean Astin. Thank you for Sam... and for Rudy, and for the 'Bob place', and for Mikey, and my beloved Mister Smith. Thank you for incredible moments. Thank you for being a loving friend to Elijah.... and please do another movie with him soon!!! Thank you for bringing me together with some of the best friends anyone could ever have and for unlocking my creativity in more ways than I could count.

I am your biggest fan... silly though that sounds. And I always will be.

I hope you have the best year of your life. I hope your every dream comes true.

And.. I hope you come to Dragon*Con again this year!!!!

Happy Birthday, Sean. We love you.

And to celebrate, here are 38 pictures of the birthday boy. Some are big.

Man.. just got up, and I'm already beat.

2009-02-19T10:38:16Z

I spent about 14 hours yesterday trying to move SANET to the new site. Had to call their customer support a couple times to get info they didn't send me and I could barely understand the guy on the other end of the line. I mean.. I normally LOVE the Indian (as in India) accent... but jeez!! You just know they farm their support calls out to Bombay. *sigh*

Anyway I got about half of Sean's gallery moved and none of Elijah's. I'm cutting back a bit on Sean's gallery. I mean 17000 pictures was a bit much. I'll keep all of the most recent event pictures and I'll keep SOME from every gallery. But I am easing back a bit on the overall number of pictures I post for every single move and tv show and event.. etc. I don't think anyone will notice the lack. I mean did I really NEED 400 caps from Rudy? No. Quality.. not quantity.

Except for the Sean and Elijah or Sam and Frodo pictures of course. I would NEVER cut any of those!

I've also decided to give myself a break on this. I'm paid up at Midphase for a year. And the new site is paid up for 2 years. So.. there's really no big rush. I'll get it done as fast as I can then switch the domain name. I was making myself crazy yesterday and it occurred to me after around 14 hours of it to wonder why. It's probably a good thing. Give me a chance to cut away a lot of the dead wood on the site. There's a lot of things up on SANET that could have been taken down a long time ago. Stuff that isn't even part of the site.

Anyway... that's my update. More for my own record keeping than anything else.

Thank all of you for how supportive you've been. It's a huge job, but I'm going to take it slow and easy from this point on.

Holy freaking god!!!

2009-02-18T23:20:15Z

LOOK what karin_woywod found!!

I am just.... blown away. This is from the photo-shot by photographer Michael O'Neill but I had NEVER seen any shots of Sean/Sam from this shoot. Is this not amazing??

Thank you so much darling karin_woywod!! You are such a treasure in all our lives.

Thank GOD it's FRODAY!

2009-02-13T10:23:25Z

I'm always glad to see it come, but today even more than usual!!

Oh! Did you know that Josh Whedon has a new Sci-fi series? Dean sent me this because he and I both love Firefly/Serenity.

And on that topic.. if the 'Firefly' folks are at DC this year I am definitely getting my picture taking with Nathan Fillion. And.. I intend to ask for a hug while it's being taken. There are some advantages to being old. One of them is that you can get away with stuff like that at a fan con.

My income tax refund has come.... and is gone. LOL! BUT.. praise the lord, the lot rent on for my trailer is paid for the year AND I've paid a high interest loan WAY down. It will be totally gone before I retire. This is a good thing. This is a VERY good thing.

Work may be fairly busy today but I shall try my best to put some pics of our beautiful Frodo up before the day ends.

I hope you are all showered with blessings on this Froday the 13th!!

'Tis Wood-day....

2009-02-04T12:56:08Z

.... and the week is half over... which makes me happy.

Had some good financial news and Dean told me I needed to talk about it here since I'd done so much whining here when I was feeling all financially depressed! And, he's right. God, I hate being a whiner. I really do. But there's a real release in being able to come to my LJ and just spew about the things that are worrying me.

Anyway! The good news is that when I signed up for Medicare (my GOD I am so OLD!) the very nice lady at Social Security told me that I should call her back next January to sign up for SS benefits. I told her I would still be working, but she said that didn't matter. That I was entitled to the money from the time I turned 66 and even if I had to pay the IRS tax for it, I'd still lose money if I didn't sign up and start getting my checks!! She didn't have to twist my arm. I told her I'd call next January to sign up.

And to that bit of news I have only one response: ♥ Woot!! ♥

That extra money will be ~~just~~ enough to cover the bills I was fretting over and thinking I'd have to keep working another 6 months to pay off. So.. I can retire at the end of June next year. I won't be rollin' in dough by any means. But then right now no one IS. But I'll be debt free (except for my car) and able to retire with some degree of... I want to say comfort but that might be stretching it. I won't have real 'comfort' 'til the market rebounds and I can sell my house. But with some degree of security at least.

And.. upon hearing that news I decided that once I retire I'm going to go spend a month in Seattle with abandonada. Just hang out at her place, look around Seattle, get the lay of the land, look at apartments maybe, check out opportunities for volunteer work, and enjoy being retired. Then I'll come back and begin the serious business of finding a renter for my home. There's no way I'm going to sell it for $37000 less than what I owe... so I have to wait. Hopefully it won't take too long... but we'll see.

So.. I'm happy... or at least happier. It's not the situation I wanted. It's not what I envisioned for myself upon retiring. But it's a damned sight better than many people have it. I have faith in our president. I have faith that he's going to turn things around in time. Unfortunately... I retire in a year and a half. I doubt there will be much change by then. But there will be change eventually.

I've had people advise me NOT to retire. To keep working maybe another five years and let the economy right itself. There's no doubt in my mind that this would be the more fiscally responsible plan. I make good money. I have enough seniority that they won't lay me off. And I work in education so the perks are amazing. But... I'm not going to do that. Not even if it would be the best financial choice. My mother worked 'til she was 80 years old. She died just short of her 84th birthday, a very angry woman... horribly bitter over the hand that life had dealt her. She felt she had been short-changed by life. That she'd worked hard and that all she got for it was pain and death. That she'd never done the things she wanted to do.

If I learned anything from that experience it was: Follow your bliss.

I might be more financially secure if I kept working. But I've been working since I was 15 years old. That is not what I want to do anymore. I want to have a different kind of experience in the last years of my life. I don't want to die a bitter, angry woman because I worked and worked and never did the things I really wanted to do. My mom could have chosen a different path. I begged her to retire earlier and travel! Go live in Florida with her sister for awhile. Enjoy life! But she sat in that little house of hers, refusing to have friends, refusing to be part of any senior group, refusing to travel, doing jigsaw puzzles and working.

Not me. Her life... and her death.. had a tremendous effect on me. There are some things more important than money. WAY more important. I'm retiring.

And.. we'll see if I still feel that way when I'm a bag-lady wearing men's shoes, talking to buildings, and eating cat food for dinner. ;)

More pictures from Frankenmuth.

2009-02-02T12:12:04Z

These are for my own recollection... and for my family. Pictures of Pam and I last weekend in Frankenmuth.

My beautiful daughter.

The coffee shop. My mom and I always began our trips to Frankenmuth here, and so did Pam and I. Actually, abandonada and I have been there too. A GREAT little shop. Wonderful cappuccino. mmmmmmm

Taken by the owner, Al. A wonderful man.

OLEPHAUNTS!! Snow sculptures in Frankenmuth.

Ice sculpture Christmas Tree.

Pam in the Bavarian Inn basement looking at the shops. BEAUTIFUL Santas!

Naturally, we had to be silly... because we're both nine.

A HOBBIT show sculpture!! Well.. actually not but it sure looked like one to me which Pam found hilarious!

Second place sculpture... a dragon.

First place... Mad Hatter I think.

Bavarian Inn... lady with accordion! She was so cute!

Bavarian Inn eating dinner.

BOYZ IN LIEDERHOZEN!!! Mmmmmm!

More dinner. Man, that is the best dinner! Those butter noodles make my mouth water just to think of them.

Pam and the little birthday cake she got at the Inn.

We really had a super time. It was wonderful to spend some non-angsty time with my daughter. We laughed our butts off and really got along great. I want to do this again.

WOOT!!

2009-01-30T09:28:58Z

Well, it's FRODAY for openers... and that always makes for a good day. It's PAYDAY for another thing... which makes Fro-day even better. It's an EXTRA payday, which I get twice a year and which I use for NON bill paying options like:

1. Bought my Dragon*Con membership
2. Booked plane tickets to Seattle in April
3. Booked plane tickets to Atlanta in September
4. Payed abandonada for my share of our Atlanta motel bill.

So, daymm!! Great day!

Plus.. I'm taking the day off work. I was going to take only 1/2 day then changed my mind and decided to just stay home. I may go out to breakfast or do something else that's fun. OR.. I may just pack for tomorrow and play LOTRO.

And speaking of LOTR related things.....

All from 'The Two Towers'.

It's Wood-day AND it's 'The One Birthday'!!!

2009-01-28T14:09:31Z

And there's no way I'd let this day go by without doing a picspam of my two guys. I adore them. Always have... always will. They strike a chord of love, caring, and support within me that has never sounded in my heart for any other pairing... and I have had others. The beauty of the love they share... the love that is so very apparent in the images you'll see here... has inspired me, unlocked my creative heart, and moved me in ways that seem as endless as they are beautiful. Their love has brought me into contact with some of the finest people I've ever known and led me to the best friends anyone could ever hope to find. I owe them a huge debt of gratitude.

Happy birthday, Elijah. Happy Wood-day to all of you. And happy Sean & Elijah day to those of you who love this pairing as much as I do.

A birthday story: 'The Angels Among Us' - Sean & Elijah - PG

2009-01-28T12:19:26Z

Title: The Angels Among Us
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sean Astin/Elijah Wood
Summary: It's Elijah's birthday but Sean can't find the right gift.

Author's Notes: A small offering to celebrate the birthday of the wonderful Elijah Wood, and in MY universe the beloved of Sean Astin. I want to thank my dearest abandonada for her wonderful beta work. She thought she was editing a tribble and so did I! But this story refused to confine itself to 300 words.

Disclaimer:This story is a work of satirical fantasy about public figures.It is completely fictional. I make no assertions about the actual private life or the sexual orientation of any person mentioned in this work.

- The Angels Among Us -

Sean stood staring into the storefront window, his face a complete blank. He had been shopping for Elijah’s birthday present for hours and had found nothing… nothing… that seemed in any way suitable. Even here on Rodeo Drive, home to some of the most elegant stores on earth, absolutely nothing seemed appropriate.

“Jesus!” Sean muttered. “He has everything anyone could ever want. What the hell can I give him?” Once again he stared at the storefront window. Various mannequins stood before him spectacularly arrayed in the very latest in high fashion ensembles. Jeans, shirts, shoes, jackets… all carrying easily recognizable names such as Gucci and Prada. Another window featured stunning designer jewelry… sunglasses… watches… rings. And even in the midst of all these expensive, luxurious gifts, he could see nothing that seemed fitting. Nothing that touched his heart with the thrill that told him instinctively ‘this is right’.

This could not be just an ordinary gift. And to Sean, the items he had viewed today, for all their expense and supposed glamour, were ordinary. Ordinary, at least, in comparison to the person to whom they would be given. He wanted this gift to reflect something much deeper… more meaningful… than what was reflected in anything one could simply ‘buy’ with money.

Elijah for all his undeniable external beauty, possessed an inner beauty which, to Sean, was even more potent and compelling. He wanted his gift to reflect his belief in that beauty, and his love for it. What I want won’t come from a store, Sean decided. But I’ll know it when I see it. I’ll know it in my heart.

Sighing, feeling at a total loss, he turned and walked the few blocks to the parking garage where he’d left his car. As he entered, he almost tripped over an elderly gentleman who stood unobtrusively against the side of the building. The man winced when Sean bumped him and seemed to shrink timidly against the structure. Reaching out to offer support, Sean became aware of the coolness of the night air and the paper-thin shabbiness of the old man’s coat. “Please excuse me, sir,” Sean said gently. For a moment their eyes met, and as the old man nodded Sean sensed a great welling loneliness in his gaze. Then Sean lowered his eyes and moved away.

Chewing at his lip, Sean continued toward his car moving slower and slower with every step he took. Then, deeply troubled, he suddenly stopped, turned, and stared back at the elderly gentleman. As if feeling his gaze, the old man nodded his head and smiled. And after a moment, feeling a thrill touch his heart… Sean smiled back.

A few weeks later…

“Happy Birthday, baby” Sean said, handing Elijah a card. As he took it, Sean leaned forward to kiss his cheek.

“What’s this?” Elijah asked.

“Open it.”

The front of the card said only: “The angels among us.”

Elijah opened it and read: “Angels walk among us, unseen… unnoticed. But by their acts the world is made a better, kinder place for all who dwell here.” He glanced up at Sean, clearly confused.

“I didn’t know what to get you for your birthday,” Sean said in a low voice. “Then I thought about you. About your spirit. About the inner glow that radiates from you and touches everyone around you. About your kindness and generosity. About how loving and gentle you are.”

“Sean,” Elijah drawled, laughing softly. “Stop. I’m sure the fuck not that nice! No one is! You know what a selfish jerk I can be at times. You know better than anyone.”

“We have a date tonight, you and I,” Sean said with a smile, ignoring Elijah’s protest.

“A date?”

“Yes. A date.” Sean’s arms reached to enfold Elijah, pulling him close. For a moment Sean buried his face against Elijah’s neck, inhaling deeply to catch the scent of his skin, then he lifted his head and kissed Elijah with a deep and lingering tenderness.

“You’ve been an angel in my life, Elijah,” he murmured at last. “You’ve given me so much. You’ve taught me love and acceptance. You’ve loved me even when I couldn’t love myself. I needed to give you something special for your birthday.”

Elijah took a deep breath, and then spoke softly. “Sean, you need to know that you’ve already given me something incredibly special.”

“Well, tonight you get something even more special, birthday boy,” Sean said, nuzzling Elijah’s cheek. “Tonight we are going on a date with an elderly gentleman who is waiting for us in front of a store on Rodeo.”

“Who is he?” Elijah asked with a slow grin. “What have you cooked up, Astin?”

“His name is Albert Spencer Riley,” Sean said quietly. “He lives at a homeless shelter in Hollywood. That is…he lives there when they have room for him.”

Elijah’s mouth fell open in seemingly astonished bewilderment.

“Tonight you and I are taking him out to dinner,” Sean whispered. “Then we’re buying him a warm new coat because the one he has is terribly old and worn out.” Embarrassed, he lowered his head and pressed his forehead to Elijah’s shoulder, praying Elijah understood why he was doing this… praying Elijah didn’t find it sappy or foolish.

There was a moment of complete silence and Sean’s anxiety grew even stronger. Then he glanced up, and saw with tremendous relief that Elijah’s sapphire eyes were glowing with unshed tears. “Jesus, Seanie,” Elijah whispered in a choked voice. “Jesus, I don’t know what to say.”

“I wanted to get you something that said – that said –,” Sean shook his head, totally at a loss. “Oh hell, I don’t know what I wanted it to say!”

Elijah lifted his hand to cradle Sean’s face. “That said ‘I love you’, maybe?” he asked softly.

“More than ‘I love you’,” Sean told him. “I wanted it to tell you what I feel about you in ways that go beyond ‘love’. I wanted to tell you how much you’ve given me. How much I respect and admire you. And how beautiful I think you are inside!”

“Seanie,” Elijah murmured, his arms winding around Sean’s neck. “It’s the best gift anyone has ever given me.” He pressed his face against Sean’s shoulder. “I don’t deserve it.”

“But you do!” Sean insisted. “That’s just it! You do!”

Elijah’s head shook slowly in denial, but Sean wouldn’t allow it.

“Listen, Elijah! When I saw that old guy, the first thought that flashed into my mind was how you’d respond to bumping into a rather frightened, elderly gentleman who was obviously down on his luck. I know you’d want to do something kind for him. Something to make his life just a little better. I know you would!” He touched Elijah’s face, tilting it up until he was looking into Elijah’s eyes. “You always do!”

“Sean,” Elijah murmured. “You’re the one who made this happen.”

“No. You did. That’s the wonder of it all,” Sean said thickly as his own tears welled up. “I almost walked away. Then it hit me… that you’d never walk away. And I went back to talk to him… to invite him to join us tonight.”

Suddenly he clutched Elijah close in his arms. “Don’t you see, baby, you did this! You’re a light that shines out in a uncertain world. You made me a better person! You make everyone around you a better person.” He gently carded his fingers through Elijah’s hair. “Isn’t that what angels do?”

“We’re angels?” Elijah asked him with a smile.

Sean bent and kissed him tenderly. “We get to show one rather sad elderly gentleman that there really are angels in the world and that tonight he’s going to have dinner with one of them.”

“Two of them,” Elijah replied, his arms tightening again around Sean’s neck.

For a long moment they stood together, holding each other as though they would never… could never… let go. Then Elijah stirred in Sean’s arms. “If it’s all right with you,” he said, smiling, “your ‘angel’ would like to take off his halo once we get home and be a bit of a ‘devil’ in bed tonight with his lover. Can you cope with that?”

“I’ll cope just fine. In fact, your lover would be completely in favor of that transformation,” Sean said, laughing.

“Then we’d better go. Our date is waiting.” He took Sean’s arm and hugged it tight against him. “Thank you doesn’t begin to say it, Sean… but it’s all I’ve got. Thank you for a wonderful birthday gift. And for everything that goes with it. For all that you said to me in this one gesture.” He took a deep, tremulous breath, and then whispered: “I’ll never forget it.”

“And thank you for being my light in a uncertain world. Happy birthday, Elijah. I love you very much.”

Elijah backgrounds to celebrate his birthday!

2009-01-28T11:59:27Z

Here are a few Elijah backgrounds that I've posted before but thought I'd post again to celebrate his birthday. Click the smaller image to reach the larger.

Happy Birthday, Elijah.

2009-01-28T10:33:14Z

I posted this same tribute last year, and can't think of better words to use this year. These words still resonate within me as reflecting everything I believe about this fine young man who has brought so much joy to our lives. I wish him every good thing on this, his special day.

He made our Frodo come to life... but more. When the world seems dull and gloomy, he is a place where we can go and find a bit of light. It's not just his blue eyes. It's more the way those eyes seem to just 'go' with the rest of that beautiful face... and the way that exquisite face is but a reflection of the beauty of the heart... the soul.. the person beneath. Many of us have met him and been struck by how he seems to give so much of himself to every moment that you feel, in his presence, as though you've found a friend. It has always seemed odd that such graciousness of spirit could live in one so young. But he never fails to give his fans every ounce of who he is whether it's in his movies or in his personal interactions with us. He never withholds. He offers, constantly, the full glow of that beautiful light.. and it is for us to decide how much of it we can bear.

He enriches our dreams. He inspires our love and loyalty. He graces our fandom with his kindness, his intelligence... and his unfailing charm.

I hope he has the best of all possible birthdays. I can't think of anyone more deserving. I hope that in the year ahead he enjoys even half the joy he has given to us through the years and finds the fulfillment of all his fondest dreams.

Happy Birthday, Elijah... and thank you.

Monday's child...

2009-01-26T13:08:19Z

.... is full of grace. That would not be me today. But... I'm trying.

Today is my daughter's 39th birthday. My god that's hard to imagine. So 39 years ago today I was exhausted and very sore but overjoyed that my little girl was strong, healthy, and beautiful. I'll give her a call later on today... but for her birthday I'm taking her to Frankenmuth, MI for the weekend. We're staying at a nice motel there and we'll do a bit of shopping at Bronners, hit the pool and hot tub, browse a few shops, and have their famous chicken dinner Saturday evening. Just letting her get away for a day is really the gift I wanted to give her. She has her hands full with a lot of very demoralizing issues right now and a 24 hour period where she doesn't have to think about them will be good for her. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm seriously thinking of working another 6 months past the point where I'd previously wanted to retire. I don't want to do it, believe me. But given the current economic situation I'm not sure I have a choice. I'll get no equity out of my house, that's a given. I bought my first house late in life. I've only had it for 10 years. And right now houses in my neighborhood are selling for $37000 BELOW what I still owe. This is not a good thing. I had counted on the equity I'd get from my house to pay off debts. That's not going to happen now. I don't have a lot of debt. Certainly a lot less than many folks. But I have enough. And I don't know that I could make it on my retirement income if I have to, also, be paying on outstanding debts, particularly if I'll still be living in my house. The utility bills alone are pretty high.. especially in the winter. *sighs* So, I may have to hang in there another 6 months or so in order to be a bit more even with the board.

It's only 6 months, but it does grieve me. But, oh well, lucky me that I'm ABLE to work. I certainly have nothing to complain about.

Been spending a lot of time playing LOTRO lately. Too much really. I'd be kidding myself if I didn't realize that this is escapist behavior. But it really does help me cope when I can escape into that world and just be with my Hobbits for awhile. They cheer me. And being in Middle-earth always makes me happy. Ah well... there are worse things I could be doing.

Work has been totally boring lately... but that may change soon. At least I hope it does. I get the feeling that they don't want to give me new projects since they know I'm leaving in a year or so. And my old projects are winding down. Makes for some boring, icon-making days. But, again, I have nothing to complain about. RESA's been very good to me.

So.. on with the week!! Here's hoping it's a good one.

We're confirmed for Otter Hut!!

2009-01-23T12:40:17Z

You know... if for no other reason, I'd want to stay there because I love the name! 'Otter Hut'... isn't that just the most wonderful name? They called it that because of the otters that live nearby. I do hope we get to see them. Anytime I see otters I think of Elijah.

Anyway... this place has everything! Even wireless internet! God forbid we do without that! And right on Puget Sound, which I love. It's going to be a golden trip for abandonada and I. Port Orchard seems like a wonderful little town too. Be fun to explore. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to our stay there.

Right now April seems a long ways off. But I know how fast things like this can go... so I'm enjoying the anticipation.

It's FRO-day!!

2009-01-23T12:22:43Z

And I couldn't be more happy. Froday is always wonderful!! End of the week.. the weekend approaches. What could be better?

Well, let's start it in the usual and BEST way... by gazing upon the most beautiful Frodo of all... our beloved Elijah Wood. These are all from 'Fellowship'.

Hmmmm... Hobbits in 'The Hobbit'??

2009-01-21T16:55:54Z

Well, Dom, at least seems convinced of it. He's been endlessly quoted (for whatever that's worth) as saying he's convinced that the four hobbit actors will be back in the del Toro film. Frankly, I'm not sure how they'll manage that trick since none of their characters were even alive at the time of 'The Hobbit'. Further, they certainly wouldn't have been alive for any 'prequel' that chronicled the time before 'The Hobbit'. Much as I'd like to see our boys together again, I'm not ready to condone ~~another~~ a gutting of Tolkien's work in order for it to happen. I'm a much bigger fan of Tolkien than I am of Peter Jackson.

Though upon reflection and knowing how that bunch operate, they'll probably have no problem finding a way to make it happen even if it does require ~~another~~ a dismantling of Tolkien's story... for cinematic reasons, to be sure.

Ah well... at least I'd get to see my beloved boys together again. I dunno if that would make it worth it, but it would be some consolation at any rate.

I know this isn't a popular view, and that's fine. It's just my view.

My god, those three days went fast... and other ramblings.

2009-01-20T13:12:31Z

Now back at work.... and back at work wearing my Obama/Bidden tshirt to celebrate the first inaugural that I've given a damn about in 30 years. RESA will be televising the inauguration in our auditorium starting at 11:30, but I'm sure I can find online broadcasts starting earlier than that. I'm not going to miss this. I mean, I love my job and believe my organization does many good things for the students and teachers of Wayne County. But... they don't do anything NEAR as good as this man is going to do for all of us in the next 4 years. So for today work can take a number. Maybe it's just that I want and need him to do good things so badly that I feel confident that he will. That could very well be. But.. in any case I do feel more confident about his presidency than I have for any other in recent ~~years~~ decades.

I confess to being a bit apprehensive though. There are a lot of crazies in this country. I really, REALLY hope the Secret Service protects this guy. In my opinion, he's going to need it.

Had to take my 'Show The Way' video off YouTube. Got an email saying that it was possible (make that definite) that I had used music under copyright to Warner. Ya think?? I'm not sure why they should care. It's good advertising for them. But, since I don't need any problems I removed the video. *shrug* Anyone who hasn't seen it and wants to can find it here. If you're a LOTR fan I think you'd enjoy it. It's in .MOV format and I think it's one of the best LOTR videos I've ever seen. I say that without vanity. You can't miss if you have good material.

It was 17 degrees ABOVE zero on my way to work this morning. Not exactly a heat wave but ever so much better than the BELOW zero temps that were around last week. It's possible we might even get into the 30s this week. Man! I may have to turn my furnace down. I honestly don't usually mind the cold. But I do miss the sun. I don't think there's anything that makes me happier than winter sunshine on snow.

A week from Friday will be a golden day for me. I'll be booking my flights to both Seattle (for the week after Easter) and Atlanta for Dragon*Con! It's a tossup which trip I'm more excited about but needless to day I'm VERY much looking forward to both of them. I love being in Seattle, and this year I'm going to do a bit of exploring on my own. abandonada has to work a couple of the days I'm there, Monday and Tuesday. So my plan for Monday is to take the bus downtown to Pike Place Market and just wander for a bit. Maybe go to some of the nearby shops, then get back to Cathy's place. Not a very daunting plan, but I'm still a bit nervous about it. Monday night we're renting a car so Tuesday I will spend driving around West Seattle, where hopefully I'll be living one day... and get the lay of the land. Wednesday and Thursday we're going to spend the night at a wonderful cabin on Puget Sound. Rustic living at its best... WITH high speed internet! Can you beat that?? We'll be staying at 'Otter Hut' which I just LOVE. Otters always put me in mind of Elijah.

Is that not heavenly??

I'm very excited about staying there. I think we're going to have a great time!! But then I always have a great time in Seattle. I'm always amazed at how much it already feels like home.

Hope all of you have a wonderful and happy Inaguration day!! A day of hope for this country. I'm proud to have been a part of it.

Some wonderful shots of Elijah at Sundance...

2009-01-20T11:57:50Z

With many thanks to my dear friend mata090680 for finding and sharing these shots. Also there is a gallery featuring a few shots of Elijah at Sundance, one with Dom. I also owe mata090680 big time for these. I think, also, that a couple shots from karin_woywod and my beloved elijah_finds community may have slipped into this batch. Thank you, dearest Karin, and I'm sorry if I didn't ask you ahead of time.

I had to reduce the size of some of these. Full sized images can be found at elijah_finds or on mata090680's LJ.

Snowboarding Gallery

Sundance Gallery

Oh my god... LIPS!!

God, he is just too gorgeous for words. That angelic face!!

A Sean and Elijah Tribble - "Neurotic?"

2009-01-16T14:21:12Z

Title: Neurotic?
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sean Astin/Elijah Wood
Prompt: Torn

Authors Notes: A bit of Sean and Elijah fun on Froday!! Thanks to my dearest abandonada for her brilliant 'on-the-fly' beta! Her skills made this a much better story. Also posted to troubledtribble so forgive any duplication.

“Do you feel torn?” Elijah asked gently.

“No,” Sean told him. “I’m not torn. I know where I want to be.” He smiled at Elijah and took his hand. “I want to be right here with you.”

“Guilty?” Elijah pressed.

They were lying, naked, in Elijah’s bed, and Sean couldn’t stifle the grin that lit his face as he lifted Elijah’s hand to his lips. “You’re just sure I’m harboring secret feelings of deeply-rooted pain because you and I are lovers, aren’t you?”

“Well, it certainly would be in character,” Elijah told him.

“You think I’m neurotic!” Sean said, faking a shocked expression.

Elijah silently rolled his eyes.

“Don’t you!” Sean insisted, leaning his chin on Elijah’s bare chest. He felt the giggle before he heard it and tilted his head slightly to brush his lips across a rose-velvet nipple.

“Sean,” Elijah drawled in a low, comforting tone. “Of course I think you’re neurotic.” He tugged teasingly at Sean’s hair.

But Sean had become preoccupied with the smooth skin of Elijah’s chest. Scooting a bit lower in the bed, his fingers and lips caressed the satiny skin until he heard Elijah’s quick indrawn breath.

“Ohhhhh,” Elijah moaned. “Seanie. Good,” he murmured softly, his eyes closing. “God, so good.”

“Neurotics make good lovers,” Sean said against soft skin. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Neurotics make the best lovers,” Elijah whispered.

Sean lifted his head and smiled happily. “Yeah?”

“Sure,” Elijah told him. “They have so much to make up for that they try extra hard!” He grinned, his fingers carding through Sean’s curls.

Sean sighed, his fingertip gently tracing the blue veins that criss-crossed Elijah’s chest.

“You’re no more neurotic than anyone else,” Elijah said.

“No?” Sean asked.

“No,” Elijah replied, with a huge grin. “You’re just more anxious about it, that’s all!”